I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
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