He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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