Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
