I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
