Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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