I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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