Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
