shes about as inviting as chlamydia
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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