I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
