ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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