R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
