When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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