I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
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