Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
