Soap is not a condiment
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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