if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
