bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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