I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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