hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
