so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
