Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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