I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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