so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
