God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
