I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
