Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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