He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
