Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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