So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize