'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
operation harelip BJ is a go
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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