what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
