Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
