You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
