my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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