I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize