Where is the hickey?
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize