It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
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