she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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