so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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