No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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