if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
