Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
