I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
