On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
