How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
