i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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