He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
