it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
