That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize