Your mouth is God's brothel.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
