You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
