her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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