I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
