i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
