so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
