Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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