I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
