Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
