My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
