no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Randomize
