**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
