"it" just moved
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
