weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
