he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
