I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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