is your mom at the bar?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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