Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
