i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
