I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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