we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
