Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
