I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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