Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
