so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
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