Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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